When our daughter was first diagnosed with celiac disease, I remember feeling both relieved (to finally have answers) and fearful for what might come next. Will my child be able to live a "normal" life (whatever that is)? Will she miss out on the fun at parties/sleepovers/events? And what about summer camp or long visits to the cousins? How can we protect her from all this--given the idea of three meals a day for the rest of her life?
The truth is, you won't. Better said, you can't. Sure, you may start out with kitchen pantries to update, school and upcoming events to navigate, and new routines to calibrate. And in those early days, it may seem as though you'll have to watch your child's every bite for as long as she lives.
But there will come a time, and fairly soon, when you won't be there when the food rolls out or when the orders come in. Trust me, you needn't panic! The comfort foods on the table will always change, but the real comfort will manifest along the way. As you guide your child to become a self-governing, self-advocating person with a food intolerance, you both will not only breathe a little easier, but also discover that a challenge like this can also be life-enhancing.
How do you get there? The short answer is slowly, steadily. While those safety measures are learned and negotiated, no measure will ever be more important than the knowledge and self-trust you cultivate in your child. Help her to understand her condition--use medical diagrams and whatever you can to clarify exactly what is happening in her body and why avoiding gluten is so important. And then, hand over the power a little at a time.
When you're out at a restaurant, let your gluten-free child order for himself. When a friend is throwing a birthday party, you may need to make a call to the host for a very young child, but if your partygoer is old enough to do homework, then let that call be made by him.
If your child is shy, young, or very new to this, consider posing a project to design a card explaining the food intolerance. Our daughter's version had flowers and hearts (of course), along with this message: "I have celiac disease and cannot eat gluten. These are the most common foods that contain it: (insert list). Thank you for helping me stay safe and healthy! Sincerely, Edyth." For the first year or so, Edyth handed that card to people making dietary decisions in various parts of her life.
Showing that we trust our children to advocate for their own health is like handing them wings to help them fly. After all, no matter how many kids are eating that pizza, or how many gluten-filled cakes and cookies are out on the buffet, THEY (as in, our children) will have to face decision-making moments at school, sports practice, parties, and so forth. They'll have to call on their own willpower when a kid at lunch calls them "weird" for not trying Aunt Mary's famous lemon torte, or when someone else dares them to take "just one bite." (Our daughter's answer? Say no thanks, find a safe alternative, and then commit to whipping up a safe version of that lemon cake later on!)
So... comfort foods be darned! The true comfort will arise from the ashes of our letting go, just a little, every day. Self-reliance, born out of independence and self-trust, is a skill worth teaching and worth learning, celiac or no celiac. Because when your child gains this superpower, it will translate to other parts of her life. An empowered young person who understands her own condition--one who reads labels, advocates for safe eating options, and navigates tricky social situations--will have an edge up on becoming an equally empowered, confident, and self-actualized adult.
And what greater gift can a parent give?
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For more tips & secrets to raising a healthy, confident gluten-free child, order a copy of the The Gluten-Free Parent's Survival Guide ... or, to help your teen navigate the challenges of going gluten-free, The Gluten-Free Teen's Survival Guide.
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