Giving Thanks for a Gluten-Free Journey: 3 Tips, and 3 Gifts

When our daughter Edyth was diagnosed with celiac disease at age 9, my husband and I walked a line between relief and concern. Even as her health improved, the worries remained. Would she be okay, not just physically, but emotionally and socially? And how would she (and we) ever survive all the dietary considerations at school... or while traveling, or--on a timely note--during the highly food-focused holiday season?

But on this Thanksgiving more than a decade later, I'm here to tell you that--inconveniences and challenging moments aside--Edyth's diagnosis has turned out to be one of the greatest gifts of her life. In fact, I can confidently report that she is flourishing in her early 20's not despite, but BECAUSE of her experience as a gluten-free child!

I'll explain more about this later. But first, how do you handle the daily challenges when 'tis the season for gluten?

1) Don't Get Anxious; Get Planning!

The more you think ahead for the little things, the better you’ll be able to sail through the moments. Think through the expected course of an event, and anticipate the moments when food safety may be an issue. That said...

2) Whether or not you are hosting a holiday gathering, plan to bring a few dishes to ensure a safe and healthy event for your child.

If the dinner is at your place, of course you can make the entire event gluten-free (we always did--with the exception of a "contraband" area away from the rest of the buffet, featuring mainly things others brought). For us, a safe Thanksgiving included GF cornbread and cashew stuffing, good ol’ fashioned mashed potatoes with GF chestnut gravy, orange cranberries, some easy veggie side dishes, and pies made with store-bought or homemade GF crusts. Because our daughter has been vegetarian for longer than her diagnosis, the turkey was something Grandmom made and brought.

Now, if you are going to Aunt Mimi's place or another venue, don't hesitate to inquire about their planned menu. I remember bringing a GF stuffing and dessert to a few Thanksgivings away. Often, the host will have some safe options as well--such as a salad minus croutons, fruit, veggie platters, and GF-labeled ice cream. If cross-contamination is a factor (which, for us, it was), consider bypassing things baked in someone else's oven. Don't feel you have to bring the entire meal... just enough to keep your child fed and happy.

Sometimes offering to bring more dishes translates to more comfort for your GF child--because sharing those dishes means he/she won't be the odd one out, if that makes sense!

3) Help transform frustration into creativity.

One saying that helped us tremendously through the years, and through MANY an event, goes like this: "If you can't take it, make it!"

To help with those flashes of self-pity (because who wouldn't feel that when then those pink cake pops are so pretty!), Edyth always kept a running list of foods she had wanted to try in various places--but alas. And then, each week, we'd choose one thing from her list to make, or attempt to make, gluten-free. True, dishes didn't always translate perfectly. (Case in point: our "cake pops" were square and soggy and fell off the sticks--but we ate them with forks anyway!)

But because of this little game, Edyth has become a devoted gluten-free cook and baker. Now off on her own, she gathers with friends regularly to whip up safe and delicious meals and desserts. When it comes to the kitchen, she's fearless... which is exactly the point!

And now, let's turn back to the gifts that have come from this whole adventure. I've written about them before, but they are worth a reminder during these times of reflection.

Here are the "best of the best": 

1) Self-advocacy

After Edyth's initial diagnosis, we felt we had to intervene on her behalf in ways big and small. We met with teachers and camp counselors and dance coaches. But over time, we slowly passed the reigns to her... and guess what? She took them! Kids take charge when they realize that they can.

And the more we turned over that power of self-advocacy, the more she stepped into it. From ordering for herself in restaurants to relaying her needs to friends, their parents, and others, Edyth's confidence grew into...

2) Empowerment & Self-Awareness

Research has shown that once a child is taught to self-advocate in one area, that sense of growing empowerment often extends to other areas as well. Of course, every child and teen will face moments of certain insecurity. Yet I firmly believe that Edyth's celiac disease helped minimize these episodes since she'd been "forced" to acquire tools due to her food intolerance.

From the peer groups she gravitated towards to the built-in aversion to drinking/drug culture, I believe that having celiac created a certain level of health awareness that resulted in (mostly) positive choices. Looking back, that connect seems clearer now than ever.

3) Surprise (and, in our case, life-changing) Interests!

As I write this, the once-frail and growth-delayed Edyth works full-time in a celiac lab and has applied to medical school. Now healthy and athletic, her interest in the human body sprang directly from her own condition.

My advice? Don't hide any of it! Show your child diagrams. Make getting blood draws exciting (yes, you heard it here--liquid information!). Encourage open conversation, and help demystify it all. Who knew how thrilling digestion or chemical processes could be? I certainly did not, but the future Dr. Edyth's curiosity only grew after life threw her the celiac curveball. Who would have guessed?

The bottom line is this: On Thanksgiving, we'd do well to remember and convey that what we bring to the table of life is far more important than whatever is being served at the buffet. The daily mantra in our house has remained... It's not about the food; it's about the people, places, and experiences in our lives. This idea bears repeating before events or whenever we forget what truly matters.

Because I am telling you firsthand that we--and our children--have the power to transform even the most daunting of challenges into the fairy dust that propels our lives.

And that's something to be grateful for!

*****

Elyn Joy’s books, The Gluten-Free Parent’s Survival Guide and The Gluten-Free Teen’s Survival Guide, have been reviewed and recommended by pediatric celiac physicians. Beyond these, the author's articles and interviews have appeared in Gluten-Free Living, Whole Foods Magazine, Allergic Living, and numerous other GF sites and publications. Elyn has been a featured presenter at Colorado Children's Hospital's celiac awareness events and has taught cooking and informational courses for parents and children. For more information, visit https://www.glutenfreeparent.com or contact elynjoy@glutenfreeparent.com.

For Your Gluten-Free Child, the Best "Comfort Food" is Self-Reliance

When our daughter was first diagnosed with celiac disease, I remember feeling both relieved (to finally have answers) and fearful for what might come next.  Will my child be able to live a "normal" life (whatever that is)? Will she miss out on the fun at parties/sleepovers/events? And what about summer camp or long visits to the cousins? How can we protect her from all this--given the idea of three meals a day for the rest of her life?

The truth is, you won't.  Better said, you can't. Sure, you may start out with kitchen pantries to update, school and upcoming events to navigate, and new routines to calibrate. And in those early days, it may seem as though you'll have to watch your child's every bite for as long as she lives.

But there will come a time, and fairly soon, when you won't be there when the food rolls out or when the orders come in. Trust me, you needn't panic! The comfort foods on the table will always change, but the real comfort will manifest along the way. As you guide your child to become a self-governing, self-advocating person with a food intolerance, you both will not only breathe a little easier, but also discover that a challenge like this can also be life-enhancing.

How do you get there? The short answer is slowly, steadily. While those safety measures are learned and negotiated, no measure will ever be more important than the knowledge and self-trust you cultivate in your child. Help her to understand her condition--use medical diagrams and whatever you can to clarify exactly what is happening in her body and why avoiding gluten is so important. And then, hand over the power a little at a time.

When you're out at a restaurant, let your gluten-free child order for himself. When a friend is throwing a birthday party, you may need to make a call to the host for a very young child, but if your partygoer is old enough to do homework, then let that call be made by him.

If your child is shy, young, or very new to this, consider posing a project to design a card explaining the food intolerance. Our daughter's version had flowers and hearts (of course), along with this message: "I have celiac disease and cannot eat gluten. These are the most common foods that contain it: (insert list). Thank you for helping me stay safe and healthy! Sincerely, Edyth." For the first year or so, Edyth handed that card to people making dietary decisions in various parts of her life.

Showing that we trust our children to advocate for their own health is like handing them wings to help them fly. After all, no matter how many kids are eating that pizza, or how many gluten-filled cakes and cookies are out on the buffet, THEY (as in, our children) will have to face decision-making moments at school, sports practice, parties, and so forth. They'll have to call on their own willpower when a kid at lunch calls them "weird" for not trying Aunt Mary's famous lemon torte, or when someone else dares them to take "just one bite." (Our daughter's answer? Say no thanks, find a safe alternative, and then commit to whipping up a safe version of that lemon cake later on!)

So... comfort foods be darned! The true comfort will arise from the ashes of our letting go, just a little, every day. Self-reliance, born out of independence and self-trust, is a skill worth teaching and worth learning, celiac or no celiac. Because when your child gains this superpower, it will translate to other parts of her life. An empowered young person who understands her own condition--one who reads labels, advocates for safe eating options, and navigates tricky social situations--will have an edge up on becoming an equally empowered, confident, and self-actualized adult.

And what greater gift can a parent give?

*****

For more tips & secrets to raising a healthy, confident gluten-free child, order a copy of the The Gluten-Free Parent's Survival Guide ... or, to help your teen navigate the challenges of going gluten-free, The Gluten-Free Teen's Survival Guide.

The Unseen (but Profound) Gifts of a Gluten-Free Childhood

When our daughter was diagnosed with celiac disease at age nine, my husband and I walked a line between relief and worry. As her health improved, my worries remained. Beyond the dietary challenges ahead, I was equally concerned for her emotional and social well-being. How would she navigate all the rites of passage to come?

But as another year wraps up almost 13 years later, I'm here to tell you that--inconveniences and tough moments aside--Edyth's diagnosis actually turned out to be among the greatest gifts of her life. I'm ever amazed at the silver linings that continue to emerge not just despite, but BECAUSE of her life as a gluten-free child!

Here are a few:

1) Priorities, Priorities

As many with food intolerances quickly realize, what we bring to the table of life is far more important than whatever is being served at the buffet. At our house, the mantra goes like this: It's not about the food; it's about the people, places, and experiences in our lives. This idea bears repeating before events or whenever self-pity creeps in.

By putting people, places, and experiences first, kids learn to value them in new ways. And that can spur involvement, whether in clubs or school or, in Edyth's case, in pre-professional children's ballet company. While that all-too-common pizza party may feel a little awkward on occasion (even with snacks in tow), the lesson is clear: you can make up for it by connecting more, exploring more, and bringing more of YOU to it all!

2) Self-Advocacy (which breeds confidence!)

Having a food intolerance automatically puts your child in the driver's seat for self-care. Of course we intervened on our daughter's behalf at first... I'm an overprotective mother, after all. So initially, we met with teachers, camp counselors, dance coaches, and others. But the steering wheel slowly moved from our hands to Edyth's through the months and years. And guess what? She took it, and long before she learned to drive.

The thing is, the more we guide our children towards self-advocacy, the more their confidence blooms. From ordering for herself in restaurants to relaying her needs to friends, their parents, and others, Edyth's self-assurance grew right along with the rest of her. That doesn't mean we weren't still supporting from the sidelines--I usually volunteered to bring at least one safe dish to most every event we attended--but even if I hadn't, I think she would have managed.

Kids take charge when they realize they can. In fact, research has shown that once a child is taught to self-advocate in one area, that personal empowerment extends to other areas as well. That said, we all know that every stage of development brings moments of insecurity. But I'm convinced that all the growing pains were less daunting because Edyth's celiac disease had helped her develop resiliency enough to brave the storms.

3) Patience and Creativity (yes, separately AND together)

 For gluten-free kids, the holiday season (and any season, really) can feel a little demoralizing. I mean, just look at that spread! Those cookies! That stuffing! And all those delicious aromas from things that cannot be tasted... sigh. But I'll share a little trick that helped us through even the most frustrating dining experiences. The mantra? If you can't take it, make it!

This became our little game, where Edyth would note any food item she wanted to eat but couldn't. And then, each week, we'd choose something from her list to make gluten-free. Truth be told, things didn't always translate perfectly. (On one such attempt she wanted cake pops. Ours were more like wilted, runny-icing covered cake squares stabbed with forks. Hideous, but tasty!)

So yeah, we bombed some recipes and nailed others. But through it all, Edyth became a fearless gluten-free cook and baker! And in an instant-gratification world, our kids can all benefit from learning to wait, right? Now in her twenties, this girl is constantly experimenting with new gluten-free creations in the kitchen--and let's just say her friends aren't complaining!

4) Empathy

When you've been the kid with the food intolerance--and thus, occasionally, a sort of outcast, you come to feel for others who face challenges of any kind. Edyth has become an outspoken advocate and a front-line upstander for anyone facing challenges. She knows what it's like, and that is a wonderful thing.

These are just a few of the gifts we've encountered along our daughter's gluten-free journey. Granted, the logistics haven't always been easy-breezy. There have been disappointments and occasional frustrations when supposed "safe foods" at a party were anything but. Still, the positives continue to outweigh the rest.

Today, our recent college graduate is studying for the MCAT and applying to medical schools. Gift number 5? Her interest in biology and anatomy that arose from curiosity about her condition. On that front, don't hide any of it! Show your child diagrams. Encourage open conversation. Help demystify the workings of the body in ways that underscore self-care. Who knew how exciting digestion or immune processes could be? I certainly did not, but the future Dr. Edyth seemed enthralled!

With all the unrest and strife in our world, this is a time to count our blessings and hold them close. I know that for our daughter and our family, the great gift of a once-overwhelming diagnosis has brought so much more than a return to physical well-being. It has brought a lifetime of lessons to grow on.

Happy holidays--and may 2024 bring joy, peace, and good health to us all!

For more tips, practical advice, and insights on raising gluten-free kids, consult The Gluten-Free Parent's Survival Guide and The Gluten-Free Teen's Survival Guide . The Gluten-Free Parent has written for numerous publications including Gluten-Free Living, Allergy Magazine, Whole Foods Magazine, and many others. She continues to advocate for parents and children living their best gluten-free lives.